Talk to Me, Bikini

People love to communicate. We express ourselves to our surroundings in words and gestures, and we expect others to reciprocate. This is because humans evolved in small tribes where sharing data and making oneself known with everyone was crucial for survival. If you didn’t smile and grunt to Og, he might have taken you for an enemy.

Consequently, we’re so hard-wired to exchange information that we’ve long extended ourselves beyond other animals and onto animating dead matter. We love to develop gadgets that talk to us and ask us questions. It makes them seem that much more human and friendly.

Modern technology is only the tip of the iceberg, though. We will talk to any object as if it has a will of its own and yearns to declare itself. We swear at botched mascara because it gave us panda eye. We spit utter profanities at our mobile phone for dying on us.

Attibuting humanness to objects transcends easily to the metaphysical realm. If objects do things to us, then they can surely alter us, much like we can transform a laptop by smashing it to pieces.

It’s not a difficult concept to grasp.  How many times have you yelled at a bikini because it made your ass look fat?

Marketeers have known this forever. Most, if not all, products are sold by virtue of attributing highly desirable human dimensions and qualities to inanimate objects.

This works both ways.  If your ass looks fat, it’s not really that your ass is fat. It’s the bikini. Solution: buy a bikini that turns you into a tight and toned goddess on the beach.

It’s the bikini, stupid.

Objects aren’t the only ones to do the talking. We communicate through our actions, too, and we believe our actions have the power to talk back and change us.

Try it for yourself.  Sit on your glutes all day and it’ll turn you into a fat slob. Do yoga five days a week and morph into a centred and ethereal being. Lift weights and you’ll turn into a man.

If only our actions would make us. Unfortunately it’s the other way around. Our actions are born and defined within.

Hence, there’s something odious about the onmarch of physical culture as an end to itself. It has convinced us we can achieve bliss through what we do. That’s provided we manage to stretch uncomfortably long enough in a heated room full of people in their goddess bikinis that have been purchased specifically for that moment.

Yet the best things in life aren’t things, or actions. It is ourselves where our desirable human qualities live. We acquire them by talking to ourselves, from within. We’re goddesses, and it reflects off us onto our surroundings.

That should take away the power of the bikini, although it would certainly help Og smile back at us.

The Average Of Seven-Oh

As of 2012 the average Australian woman weighs 70kg. This tidbit caused a bit of a stir due to Australian women’s deep-seated yearning to conform to the average, despite the odd boastful claim to the contrary. Average’s where it’s at which is why simple metrics such as the scales are very important in today’s society.

Be Wise, Be Truly Motivated

Motivational quotes, catchphrases and otherwise Inspirational Idioms are everywhere these days. It’s almost impossible to waste your time on Facebook without stumbling onto a sentence or three that Up Your Ante, scream at you to Try Harder and otherwise Seize The Day, or else.  Fail To Plan And You Plan To Fail. A Plum Not Plucked Is A Calorie Less Consumed. Wisdom jumps at you from every crook and corner in the modern world.

Fear The Day

Humans aren’t rational beings. Our initial reactions to pretty much anything are based on emotions such as fear, anger, sadness and joy. A piece of software called the prefrontal cortex then rationalises and inhibits our impulses before we act on them. This way, we won’t decide to walk naked outside just because we happen to feel like it.

Internet Arguing 101

Ah, the internet. Where would we be without it? Slouching in front of the television, or trying to fill our meaningless lives with some other form of entertainment. Personally, I am allergic to television and the inability to interact with what the establishment shoves down my proletarian throat. Hence I am in love with the internet. Here, everyone is equal and minds can be sharpened with endless arguments, or softened by watching a dog take a poo on YouTube. 

The Human Condition

Life is unordained chaos. From the depths of its maelstrom, existence randomly catapults countless projectiles at our very being without a chance to duck. From the arsenal of our innate coping mechanisms, we might choose to flee or fight the situation, or perhaps feed or fornicate with the tempting encounter. It all depends.

Fat Loss Troubleshooting 101

January is well on its way. Hordes of folks have decided to better themselves until at least February, which is luckily only a few more weeks away. To better yourself, you need to lose fat. Maybe work on your self-esteem issues, too. But first and foremost, you need to lose fat. It is a surefire way out of your troubles.